Developing Communication Skills by born2lead on Blogster

Developing Communication Skills: Listening Skills

There are a number of situations when you need to solicit good information from others; these situations include interviewing candidates, solving work problems, seeking to help an employee on work performance, and finding out reasons for performance discrepancies.

Skill in communication involves a number of specific strengths. The first we will discuss involves listening skills. The following lists some suggests for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work:

· Listen openly and with empathy to the other person

· Judge the content, not the messenger or delivery; comprehend before you judge

· Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask, repeat, rephrase, etc.)

· Active body state; fight distractions

· Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding

· Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the employee's concern

· Attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; listen between the lines

· Ask the other for his views or suggestions

· State your position openly; be specific, not global

· Communicate your feelings but don't act them out (eg. tell a person that his behavior really upsets you; don't get angry)

· Be descriptive, not evaluative-describe objectively, your reactions, consequences

· Be validating, not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"); acknowledge other;'s uniqueness, importance

· Be conjunctive, not disjunctive (not "I want to discuss this regardless of what you want to discuss");

· Don't totally control conversation; acknowledge what was said

· Own up: use "I", not "They"... not "I've heard you are noncooperative"

· Don't react to emotional words, but interpret their purpose

· Practice supportive listening, not one way listening

· Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates

A major source of problem in communication is defensiveness. Effective communicators are aware that defensiveness is a typical response in a work situation especially when negative information or criticism is involved. Be aware that defensiveness is common, particularly with subordinates when you are dealing with a problem. Try to make adjustments to compensate for the likely defensiveness. Realize that when people feel threatened they will try to protect themselves; this is natural. This defensiveness can take the form of aggression, anger, competitiveness, avoidance among other responses. A skillful listener is aware of the potential for defensiveness and makes needed adjustment. He or she is aware that self-protection is necessary and avoids making the other person spend energy defending the self.

In addition, a supportive and effective listener does the following:

· Stop Talking: Asks the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; asks for other's views and suggestions

· Looks at the person, listens openly and with empathy to the employee; is clear about his position; be patient

· Listen and Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the other's concern

· is validating, not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"); acknowledge other;'s uniqueness, importance

· checks for understanding; paraphrases; asks questions for clarification

· don't control conversation; acknowledges what was said; let's the other finish before responding

· Focuses on the problem, not the person; is descriptive and specific, not evaluative; focuses on content, not delivery or emotion

· Attend to emotional as well as cognitive messages (e.g., anger); aware of non-verbal cues, body language, etc.; listen between the lines

· React to the message, not the person, delivery or emotion

· Make sure you comprehend before you judge; ask questions

· Use many techniques to fully comprehend

· Stay in an active body state to aid listening

· Fight distractions

· ( if in a work situation) Take Notes; Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates

Constructive Feedback: Developing your Skills

"I don't know how to turn her performance around; she never used to have these attendance problems and her work used to be so good; I don't know why this is happening and what to do."

This manager is struggling with one of the most important yet trickiest and most difficult management tasks: providing contructive and useful feedback to others. Effective feedback is absolutely essential to organizational effectiveness; people must know where they are and where to go next in terms of expectations and goals-yours, their own, and the organization.

Feedback taps basic human needs-to improve, to compete, to be accurate; people want to be competent. Feedback can be reinforcing; if given properly, feedback is almost always appreciated and motivates people to improve. But for many people, daily work is like bowling with a curtain placed between them and the pins; they receive little information.

Be aware of the many reasons why people are hesitant to give feedback; they include fear of causing embarassment, discomfort, fear of an emotional reaction, and inability to handle the reaction.

It is crucial that we realize how critical feedback can be and overcome our difficulties; it is very important and can be very rewarding but it requires skill, understanding, courage, and respect for yourself and others.

Withholding constructive feedback is like sending people out on a dangerous hike without a compass. This is especially true in today's fast changing and demanding workplace

Characteristics of Effective Feedback

Effective Feedback has most of the following characteristics:

· descriptive (not evaluative)(avoids defensiveness.) By describing one's own reactions, it leaves the individual fee to use it or not to use it as he sees fit..

· avoid accusations; present data if necessary

· describe your own reactions or feelings; describe objective consequences that have or will occur; focus on behavior and your own reaction, not on other individual or his or her attributes

· suggest more acceptable alternative; be prepared to discuss additional alternatives; focus on alternatives

· specific rather than general.

· focused on behavior not the person. It is important that we refer to what a person does rather than to what we think he is. Thus we might say that a person "talked more than anyone else in this meeting" rather than that he is a "loud-mouth."

· It takes into account the needs of both the receiver and giver of feedback. It should be given to help, not to hurt. We too often give feedback because it makes us feel better or gives us a psychological advantage.

· It is directed toward behavior which the receiver can do something about. A person gets frustrated when reminded of some shortcoming over which he has no control.

· It is solicited rather than imposed. Feedback is most useful when the receiver himself has formulated the kind of question which those observing him can answer or when he actively seeks feedback.

· Feedback is useful when well-timed (soon after the behavior-depending, of course, on the person's readiness to hear it, support available from others, and so forth). Excellent feedback presented at an inappropriate time may do more harm than good.

· sharing of information, rather than giving advice allows a person to decide for himself, in accordance with his own goals and needs. When we give advice we tell him what to do, and to some degree take away his freedom to do decide for himself.

· It involves the amount of information the receiver can use rather than the amount we would like to give. To overload a person with feedback is to reduce the possibility that he may be able to use what he receives effectively. When we give more than can be used, we are more often than not satisfying some need of our own rather than helping the other person.

· It concerns what is said and done, or how, not why. The "why" involves assumptions regarding motive or intent and this tends to alienate the person generate resentment, suspicion, and distrust. If we are uncertain of his motives or intent, this uncertainty itself is feedback, however, and should be revealed.

· It is checked to insure clear communication. One way of doing this is to have the receiver try to rephrase the feedback. No matter what the intent, feedback is often threatening and thus subject to considerable distortion or misinterpretation.

· It is checked to determine degree of agreement from others. Such "consensual validation" is of value to both the sender and receiver.

· It is followed by attention to the consequences of the feedback. The supervisor needs to become acutely aware of the effects of his feedback.

· It is an important step toward authenticity. Constructive feedback opens the way to a relationship which is built on trust, honest, and genuine concern and mutual growth.

Part of the feedback process involves understanding and predicting how the other person will react. Or in the case of our receiving feedback, we need to understand ways that we respond to feedback, especially threatening feedback.

People often react negatively to threatening feedback. This reaction can take a number of forms including:

· selective reception and selective perception

· doubting motive of the giver

· denying validity of the data

· rationalizing

· attack the giver of the data

Following the guidelines to effective feedback can go a long way to limit these kinds of reactions but we need to be conscious of them nonetheless and be ready to react appropriately.

When we are on the receiving end of feedback we should be careful to avoid these pitfalls. Try to keep these points in mind.

· try not to be defensive

· check on possible misunderstanding ("Let me restate what I am hearing")

· gather information from other sources

· don't overreact

· ask for clarification